i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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