Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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