i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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