Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
