Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
