there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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