she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
