Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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