ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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