theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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