No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
