"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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