is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize