I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
