Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
