We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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