I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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