I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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