Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
