you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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