My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Text me some of your sweat
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
