my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
