I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
