The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize