OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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