3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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