peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
