Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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