He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Randomize
