My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Randomize
