I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
