What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize