Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Shame - the story of my life.
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