piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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