I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
