Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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