why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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