oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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