I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
