woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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