you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
