Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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