I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
