if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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