i need an iv and a liver transplant
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
