I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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