New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
