Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
