Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
