I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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