it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
