Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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