real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I want a musical about memes.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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