i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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