girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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