You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Small penises have feelings too.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
