so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
porn star boner night. come get it.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
