Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
