well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
