Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
