would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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