And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
