Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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