I cockslap morals
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
