im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
