he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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