There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
