The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
