so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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