i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
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I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
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I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
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