the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Do vagina's smell?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
