i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
True but thats because hes a fetus.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
